I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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