i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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