you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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