Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize