Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
