Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
