I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
