woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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