dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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