I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
