UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
