I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
