Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
