Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
