That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
