So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am spending my child support on dildos
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
