So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
