How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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