CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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