just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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