your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
