No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
