It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
