Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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