Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
