I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
