the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
