Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
