I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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