are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
