Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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