but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
