I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
