soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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