Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
