Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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