i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize