it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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