Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
