we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize