walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
