Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
