cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
