im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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