its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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