I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
