Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
