Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
