yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
