hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
