Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
