i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
