Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
