she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
