all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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