dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
