that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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