I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
