u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
