I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
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How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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