Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Where is the hickey?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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