Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
