I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
