Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
