she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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