Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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