are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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