I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
