im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My dick has a subreddit
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
