Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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