just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
