I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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